Monday, April 25, 2016
You should never wear a fanny pack because it makes you look like you're wearing a fanny pack.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
I've got #4 covered!!!!
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Don't forget March 14 as Happy Pi Day - it's just like 4/20 day, but at 3:14 you meet behind the school and do math.
When I was a kid, my Dad used to tell me how beautiful I was. Now that I'm older, your Dad does.
If I had a time machine and could travel to any time imaginable, I know in my heart I'd probably just set that thing to lunchtime.
Monday, April 11, 2016
For something that has nine lives, you'd think this cat would spend at least one of them not being an annoying cunt.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
What's plural for fuck it?
Saturday, April 9, 2016
When it's the 1st of the month and you've got direct deposit!
If you're truly desperate, there's always the girl at the bar with the straw cowboy hat.
Happy Saturday, folks!!!!!!
I truly long for the good old days, when all the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses and they put cocaine in soda.
I grew up in a time when a Dracula costume had a picture of Dracula on the chest below the word "Dracula." It wasn't an imaginative time.
I think I burn most my calories at the gym untangling headphones.
Something people in McDonalds have? Fries. Something people in McDonalds don't have? Ankles.
Old guys use the worst cellphones.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
The "secret ingredient" in my hugs is boner. -best t-shirt ever, man do I wish I was a dude sometimes!
ANSWER: just the puppies.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
According to old paintings, there's mad titties in heaven.
Have a great hare day!
Friday, April 1, 2016
Just put an entire frozen chicken up my ass.
t was just the drumstick.