true story

Great Restaurant Name? Or Greatest Restaurant Name?

There are two wolves who are always fighting. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. The question is: which wolf wins?

The one you feed.

Erotic short story #177: "You golf?" she asked. "Yes," he said. "Then let's see how you do on this hole," she said, pointing to her crotch.

Something new for your travel bucket list:

Get thee to the Massachusetts Bermuda Triangle, otherwise known as the ‘Bridgewater Triangle.’ The area is roughly 200 square miles and filled with strange rock carvings, petroglyphs, and lore based on the brutal deaths and cultural annihilation of 3,000 Wampanoag tribes people. Locals say the area is very haunted with monsters and memories which refuse to be forgotten.

“By the end of King Philip’s war, nearly 3,000 Wampanoag men, women and children were killed or sold onto slave ships bound for the West Indies. The landscape is dotted with stone monuments to their lives here. Their ghosts have morphed over centuries into foreboding fairytales of fantastic creatures and fanged entities that tell us more about the ancestral guilt and paranoia of the conquerors than the natives themselves.”

Interested in the mysterious or unexplained... Well, then here are a few more for your bucket list... Don't forget about "The Oregon Vortex" or The Mystery Spot in the redwood forests of Santa Cruz, California. Most importantly, don't forget the "G-Spot". One of our world's greatest mysteries.

5 bucks says one is Black Liquorice

🤮 

Saturday mood

You should never wear a fanny pack because it makes you look like you're wearing a fanny pack.

I've got #4 covered!!!!

Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.

Don't forget March 14 as Happy Pi Day - it's just like 4/20 day, but at 3:14 you meet behind the school and do math.

When I was a kid, my Dad used to tell me how beautiful I was. Now that I'm older, your Dad does.

If I had a time machine and could travel to any time imaginable, I know in my heart I'd probably just set that thing to lunchtime.

What's plural for fuck it?

*close out that update & high five me RN*

#endsmalltalk

When it's the 1st of the month and you've got direct deposit!

If you're truly desperate, there's always the girl at the bar with the straw cowboy hat.

Happy Saturday, folks!!!!!!

I truly long for the good old days, when all the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses and they put cocaine in soda.

#skols & #goals

I grew up in a time when a Dracula costume had a picture of Dracula on the chest below the word "Dracula." It wasn't an imaginative time.

I think I burn most my calories at the gym untangling headphones.

Something people in McDonalds have? Fries. Something people in McDonalds don't have? Ankles.

Old guys use the worst cellphones.

Yup. This is my Dad. #Leroy

The "secret ingredient" in my hugs is boner. -best t-shirt ever, man do I wish I was a dude sometimes!

What’s with me & T-shirts!?

Well, I don’t know. *Sigh*

The jury is still out...  but hey, you can bet when they’re back they’d all be gettin’ awesome T-shirts!

#ME

Fun Fact:

ANSWER: just the puppies.

According to old paintings, there's mad titties in heaven.

Mini Octopus

Have a great hare day!

Just put an entire frozen chicken up my ass.

April Fools... it was just the drumstick.

I don't understand why parents do this.

100%

Ghost egg scared of it's own 'boo'bies.

Me, this past weekend!!!!

FUN FACT: my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.

Are we counting down to Valentines Day yet? No! #poutyface

Happy ❤️ Day

Netflix and Chill makes me miss Blockbuster and dry hump.

*with the exception of wasps.

Kill those useless pieces of shit.

Baby Owls

Whoa, that's some kinda cute! 

As easy as Nadine

Simple Home Remedies

this grocery list.

oh holy gawd, right? kidstuff

Remember when the Backstreet Boys sang 'Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely' and then we all showed them for the rest of their lives?

This is a good life motto!

1. 

Peridot

Baltic Amber