You should never wear a fanny pack because it makes you look like you're wearing a fanny pack.

I've got #4 covered!!!!

Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.

Don't forget March 14 as Happy Pi Day - it's just like 4/20 day, but at 3:14 you meet behind the school and do math.

When I was a kid, my Dad used to tell me how beautiful I was. Now that I'm older, your Dad does.

If I had a time machine and could travel to any time imaginable, I know in my heart I'd probably just set that thing to lunchtime.

What's plural for fuck it?

*close out that update & high five me RN*

#endsmalltalk

When it's the 1st of the month and you've got direct deposit!

If you're truly desperate, there's always the girl at the bar with the straw cowboy hat.

Happy Saturday, folks!!!!!!

I truly long for the good old days, when all the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses and they put cocaine in soda.

#skols & #goals

I grew up in a time when a Dracula costume had a picture of Dracula on the chest below the word "Dracula." It wasn't an imaginative time.

I think I burn most my calories at the gym untangling headphones.

Something people in McDonalds have? Fries. Something people in McDonalds don't have? Ankles.

Old guys use the worst cellphones.

Yup. This is my Dad. #Leroy

The "secret ingredient" in my hugs is boner. -best t-shirt ever, man do I wish I was a dude sometimes!

What’s with me & T-shirts!?

Well, I don’t know. *Sigh*

The jury is still out...  but hey, you can bet when they’re back they’d all be gettin’ awesome T-shirts!

#ME

Fun Fact:

ANSWER: just the puppies.

According to old paintings, there's mad titties in heaven.

Mini Octopus

Have a great hare day!

Just put an entire frozen chicken up my ass.

April Fools... it was just the drumstick.