I've always wanted to buy a boat. valid point. SOLD!

Pretty Women Right?

go ahead, look at them right side up and see what happens.

inbred mouse

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, i still love bread.

*HARRY POTTER SPOILER ALERT* ZERO tits.

i love the Harry Potter Theme Song - it's a very enchanting melody and this dude with his watercups has impressed me. mind you, that's not hard to do.

When he asks his deaf girlfriend to have sex, he makes her tug his penis once for "yes" and 50 times for "no".

Hey, Pass me a Beer.

Just handing a beer off is for bo-nerds! If it doesn’t involve a trampoline, I ain’t doin’ it!

I found out last week that one of my favorite co-workers (who laughs at all my jokes) is leaving the company. I cant even begin to tell you how much I am going to miss Elias, but I can tell you that he is going to LOVE his goodbye cake.

I’ll stop being attracted to fictional men when they stop being attractive.

The American Grill Waitress begins to freshly grate cheese onto my salad. I never say when. Room fills with parmesan. No one survives.

Trainer: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?

Me: 10

Trainer: Okay, well what if somebody forcibly takes two of the cakes, how many would you have left then?
Me: 10... and a broken fist.

Toyota Celica Vs. Nicolas Cage

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

today.

being an investigator is cool and i love my job but we all have those days, ya know. so don't underestimate me... that's my family's job.