The line between sleeping in my clothes and wearing the clothes I slept in has blurred.

Just heard someone screaming outside and my instinct was to turn up the TV. Whatever the opposite of a superhero is, I'm that.

If a tree falls in the forest will a soccer player act like it hurt him?

On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system?

FACT:

It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"

ALLERGY ALERT: This blog may contain nuts.

We always think the style we're in now is fine yet we always look like idiots 10 years later. How do we learn from this?

Fred Astaire because Fred a like a what he sees.

D'awwwww of the Day

Hey, same-height couples. You're weird. Everyone thinks so.

[announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*

Luxurious Flintstones

If you loved the Flinstones as much as I did then you’ll love this spectacular luxury villa, for sale for $3.5 million in Malibu. The home used to belong to Dick Clark and his wife.

It sits on a humongous 23-acre plot of land, which boasts a wonderful view to the Serrano Valley, the Boney Mountains, the Channel Islands, and the Pacific Ocean.

Kittens try Ham.

Some Thoughts Are Best Left Unexpressed

Only you can prevent Forest Fires

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something.

Should Really Be the Name of Most Vodkas