i think grandma's ghost is farting in the bathroom.

i wish i had this kind of relationship with my dog.

There are assholes, and then there are people who applaud after movies

A friend of mine told me that he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache. nuk nuk nuk. this guys hot.

Grocery Store Flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

you'd think i'd have a closet full... nope.

Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.

Stephen Colbert Makes #69 on Maxim’s Hottest Women

69. is pretty fine.

LGBT

Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato.
it's so beautiful.

Humans Are Gross Edition

Ugh, I just had the worst visualization of Lauren's pillowcase            

Head 2 Head - Bugatti Vs. Lamborghini Vs. Lexus Vs. McLaren

The world's most exclusive super cars against each other in a no-holds-barred drag race.

Remember when the L in TLC meant Learning?

i can do that better.        

after 4 sugar free candies... not so funny.

"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

Hotel Clerk: "No, it's regular porn, you sick bitch.

where's willy?

'you'll never find me.' -willy