Worlds Smallest Fire Truck.

Harry Potter Coolers made me puke rainbows

gurl imma have to call you back.

Went to the Dr. today, looks like I was born with too much awesome.

Most Common Side Effects: An overabundance of HATERS.

Turns out I'm gonna survive.

i think grandma's ghost is farting in the bathroom.

i wish i had this kind of relationship with my dog.

There are assholes, and then there are people who applaud after movies

A friend of mine told me that he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache. nuk nuk nuk. this guys hot.

Grocery Store Flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

you'd think i'd have a closet full... nope.

Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.

Stephen Colbert Makes #69 on Maxim’s Hottest Women

69. is pretty fine.