this one is just for you, my darling.
you know who you are.
i want a romantic comedy trailer that starts, "Janelle was looking for love in all the wrong places..." and then shows Janelle digging up a grave.
I try my best to keep my personal posts to a minimum, because when I’m not complaining about my job or praising my own tits, I’m posting ridiculous pictures that make me laugh out loud. That’s really the only rule, if it makes me audibly delighted then i post it, in hope of sharing that vulgar joy with all of you. When the world can be a dildo, i like to think that the bullshit I waste my time putting up here might help distract you from the day to day tearing of your butthole... if only for a moment.
Posting about my personal affairs, doesn’t really fit the mold. That being said, my own relationship and future with my man is the most important thing in my life. It's filled me with immeasurable amounts of joy, i'm elated and it's fantastic. I have been waiting my whole life to feel something like this, but I wasn’t able to devote enough of myself to healing and leaving the worst of my experiences behind. I used to think love just finds you and if you’re lucky it sticks to you like a static-charged blanket, but it doesn’t at all. Instead it kinda hits you out of nowhere, shakes you, bounces off your soul and screams back out into the universe.
The way I feel about Ross stems from how I have learned to feel about myself. I’ve re-recorded the messages in my head. I used to be a total cunt to myself. I’d not only sabotage every good thing I had going but I'd let people i love treat me like total shit. When you start to slowly change those tapes, record a calmer, more focused message. inch towards an achievement, be true to yourself, take time to breathe and appreciate, you will have a message that brightens everything about you as a human being, including your past.
I've learned the hard way that I shouldn't waste time placing blame on what I have no control over... I can't change fate but I am in control of my own life. I honestly could never have accepted anyone’s love with the relationship I used to have with myself. I finally cleared the junk out of my brain and I have made room for love, and holy fuck does he have a lot to give.
