I’ll stop being attracted to fictional men when they stop being attractive.

The American Grill Waitress begins to freshly grate cheese onto my salad. I never say when. Room fills with parmesan. No one survives.

Trainer: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?

Me: 10

Trainer: Okay, well what if somebody forcibly takes two of the cakes, how many would you have left then?
Me: 10... and a broken fist.

Toyota Celica Vs. Nicolas Cage

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

today.

being an investigator is cool and i love my job but we all have those days, ya know. so don't underestimate me... that's my family's job.

A 2 Degree Guarantee

It’ll be 95 in New York City, 98 in Los Angeles, and 793 on Venus. Back to you, Jeff!

GOOD MORNING, DON'T FORGET THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY... BRACKFAS.

PIZZA VENDING MACHINE = YES.

Do you often find yourself thinking, “man, I could really use a 1-ton wine rack transformer. That’d really round out the living room.”

Me too, viewer, me too. Now you can make your dream a reality by buying the only wine-rack transformer in existence! Made from recycled automobile and motorcycle parts, this booze-tending behemoth is being sold on Craigslist by a guy from Phoenix, AZ.

It’ll set you back 7000 dollars, but really though, it’s a 2000-pound Optimus Prime wine rack. Do I really need to convince you any further?

The Curtains should ALWAYS Match the Drapes

hair dye with a different box

Eating Spag like a Boss.

Hungarian Man Builds Motorcycle Out of Wood

Istvan Puskas, a 52-year-old tractor driver from Tiszaors, Hungary decided that just riding tractors was cramping his style a bit. So he decided to build his own fully functional wooden motorcycle. As if that wasn’t enough to send the swagmeter off the charts, he decided to pose with his creation wearing what appears to be a medieval horned helmet. In my life, if I am ever half this cool, I will be a happy woman.